STRENGTH

Sooo, I felt compelled to express a bit of a burning emotion that I have within me at the moment and a bit of a back story on what’s brought me to this point in my journey of life. 

I’ll start by saying, having a healthy mind is just as important as having a healthy body and so it is the other way around. See, I’ve always desired to understand consciousness & the mind on a deeper awareness than what people these days care to learn about. They feel they smoke weed now they’re spiritual or they do shrooms & they know what connection is. I could never vibe w/ that.

To give you a bit of a back story, my desire to reconnect w/ my purity came after years of “health issues”. When I was about 11-12 years old, my family and I moved to Florida and I dealt with severe anxiety and depression. I seen multiple therapists and was prescribed Xanax, which is a strong drug used for depression. Anyhow, a child shouldn't be taking a potent drug used for adults.

A few years gone by and I started having kidney problems because I refuuused to drink water. I was one of those kids that wanted to drink juice and Sprite all the time. Give me juiccceee, yum!

Once I started going through puberty, at age 13, my hormones were all off whack from the start. My cycle would be on for months at a time and it only being off for 2 weeks or so in between. Immediately, the doctors prescribed me different medications and birth control. Drugging me up, of course. I probably tried 6 different birth control pills in a year time frame. Those doctors are something else.

At age 17, I had found a huge breast tumor and had no clue of how to feel about life. Was it cancerous? I’m young! Why is this happening now? Was this from all the medications the doctor just threw at me? Was it because of child hood depression that manifested this? Of course, but I had no idea at the time. So, I endured my first chest surgery and told myself, “You did it! You got rid of it. You’re fine.”

My birthday weekend, at age 19, I got into a car accident where my car spun out of control and stopped in the middle of the road with no on-coming traffic coming. A man was driving down the road, not paying attention. My horn suddenly didn’t work and I seen my life flash before my eyes. I was t-boned on the driver side and spun to the other side of the road. My head went through the driver side window and I woke up being put on the stretcher. I lost some feeling behind the left side of my ear, was on bedrest for a year in a half, including bedrest for hip surgery. I had a few pitched nerves, herniated dics and lumbar damage; andddd I didn’t have health insurance at the time because my mother got laid off (insurance was through her job), so I taught myself how to walk again and get back on my feet, with the help of my parents. Little ol’ Chan was and is determined. Nothing keeps her down.

Back to the tumors, I ended up enduring 3 more surgeries in the same area and they just kept growing bigger and bigger in size. When I asked the doctor what can I do to stop this from happening all she said was that I’m a “tumor farm” and to come back when I feel another one. I’ll never forget those words she said, and the power it gave me.

Around the same time as the last tumor, I started feeling weak often, having chest pains and palpitations. I had to wear a heart monitor for a month. I had severe anemia, and was pale, tired and weak for most of the day.  I went to multiple doctors but they never had the answer. They just offered medication. Offff course, haha.

Well, I’ve always remained positive through it all. No one would’ve ever guessed that these events were happening. Even the closest people to me, I wouldn't allow in. I practiced stillness, yoga, meditation. Read countless books and studied from multiple leaders on their teachings of the mind and awareness.

Although I was fighting a good fight, depression and suicide thoughts overcame me more and more often. I remained in faith. That's when I started hearing about Dr. Sebi and did research on him and his views. Automatically connecting with him on a deeper level. Deeply understanding and resonating with his viewpoint but having no wisdom on it.

I was so much at my peak of “Okay it’s this or who knows what the hell is going to happen next. You’re a warrior! This body has nothing against your mind, your higher self.” I woke up one day and ate raw. Nothing cooked. No juice (except fruit I juiced daily). No sautéed vegetables. No rice! You know what’s it’s like being Caribbean and not eating rice and beans?! Chicken? Mac and cheese?! Lawdddd. Esp when your family doesn’t believe in that. So anyways, I just consumed fruit, vegetables and seeds. Oh, also mineral herbs & teas. I lost 10lbs in a matter of days.

My body took me on a complete ride. I felt every emotion: anger, happiness, stillness, joy, sadness, loneliness. Although, I was frustrated with having to experience those emotions, I was full on intune and listened to my body 100%. I knew that I was overcoming the mind and all of the conditioning that has been put on me from birth was coming out through one of the few outlets this vessel has, emotion. So, I kept at it.  I nurtured my body and became its best friend.  I loved myself and allowed compassion to fill every moment. I then fasted on fresh juice, then no juice & only alkaline water. Wooooo you haven’t experienced something like that before until you’ve done it. Cannot be described. Overcoming the mind to not desire food. Not desire anything outside of yourself . To defeat the mind and it’s paradigms!! Ooooo, I’m scaaared of me. You go girrrl.   

Fast forward and I’ll make this a bit shorter and tell you what influenced this writing today. I decided to travel to Dr. Sebi’s village in La Ceiba, Honduras. The day before I arrived I was at my weakest, physcially and mentally. I was extremely pale, weak and and just out of it mentally. I was in such a great state of fear because I didn’t know what to expect going to a country alone that have crimes such as sex-trafficking, kidnapping and killings. I originally planned on going earlier but was forced to push back the time because of the political unrest in the country, with riots going on everywhere. I told myself, “Girl this is what you want. God has brought you here because it’s where you’re destined to be. Just allow your higher self to be the watcher of the mind and allow your body to just move. Just get on the plane and make it to the village. You’re destined to experience it, so you’ll make it.” You done know, had to get that pep talk in. Once I reached Honduras, I still had a four hr drive and I just had no more strength in me to even endure it or so I thought.

Once I reached Honduras, I still had a four hr drive and I just had no more strength in me to even endure it, or so I thought.

These photos were I believe three days after I arrived. I took these photos (and others) to look back on and see how far I’ve come; to see that I overcame this body and mind; to remind myself of the power that I have. I feel my higher self more than I feel this human self. I’m pretty damn proud of the foundation that I’ve laid down and the seeds I planted for my family and the people of the world who desire awareness and love; and for the people who don’t even know it yet.

Oh, I also did more fasting when I arrived and said to myself “Ohhh great! More?! I should’ve just ate some pizza forreal before coming here.” Lol. But I was in extreme gratitude. I was stronger than anyone who ate “3/6 meals a day” with their “vitamins” & I’ll debate anyone on the topic. I now weigh 105 lbs. That’s 45 lbs that I lost since going “vegan”, fasting and cleansing.

Usha Village helped me re-member my strength and re-connect. It gave this energy of love and strength that’s already within my spirit, a re-boost. I made sure that the process was a cleansing, spiritual and healing experience. I made sure to dig for wisdom in the forest around me because that is my teacher.

The past is non existent. The only moment that exists is the one that we are currently experiencing and the only purpose of referring back to the past is to use that lesson in the current moment. So, with me thinking about this and it striking a cord, is that I’m like, “Damn, I’m experiencing this one moment based on how I used every life moment, “good” or “bad”.  It’s allowed me to be prosperous and abundant. Wise and aware. Strength has made me powerful.”

“A part of us has to die to transform; and a part of us dies if we don’t. Which part will prevail?”

Thank you for vibing with me today.

I’ll be posting about my entire experience in Usha in a bit. Hope to vibe with you again.

LOVE & BLESSINGS – CHANSHARICE